Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize