SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
