i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
