Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
