Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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