Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
