The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
