how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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