Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
