She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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