I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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