I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
