Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
