i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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