i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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