Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
