Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
