Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
