so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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