you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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