I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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