It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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