:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
