i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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