There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
