: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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