i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
