Cold hands, warm shart.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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