mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
