My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
