i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
