I accidentally had phone sex last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
