just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
