do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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