dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
