Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
