Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
