just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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