Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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