just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
