I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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