Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
