If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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