i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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