She is in my trunk
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
