have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
