Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
