One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
