i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
