party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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