I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
