She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
