I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
