I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
