gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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