i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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