im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
