I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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