that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
