your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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