I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
