So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
