So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
