But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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