We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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