Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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