GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
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can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
And then he peed in my hair
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