I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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