My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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