rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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