yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
