Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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