you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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