Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
