And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
