Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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